More Trials

Haiz, this period lots of trials and tests man. But thank God that He is always there to hold me eventhough sometimes I stumble. Thank God that though I stumble, His hand is always there to hold me (Psalm 37:24) and I can get up and walk in His victory (1 Cor 15:57)and ultimately still pass the test! Praise be to God that He will always help us pass the test (1 Cor 10:13).

Like on the previous sat morning when i went to church, just suddenly got a huge feeling of being very sian and depressed. However, I know that I can never depend on the fleshly feelings, and the verse that I read came to me again; it tells me to praise the Lord no matter what (Psalm 43:5). Praise God man, after I started singing praises to God, I just started to feel ALOT better (though I didn't have that intention). It's just soo wonderful God works. All the passing of these tests are totally not any of my achievement, but all by God's grace and for His glory.

Some tests come back again. These are the times when I think of certain situations that I've been through and they caused me to think of negative thoughts. The ones like in my previous post about the worship thingy. Though the worship team people didn't do it intentionally, but it was just a bit discouraging and I let myself continuously harbour on those negative thoughts which gave rise to more and more negative thoughts and feelings (like a downward spiral). The incident happened very long ago though (like early last year or something like that) and when a similar incident happened, it made me think that the same thing is happening again. But this time it was different, God was able to speak to me with His Word more when I meditate on it more. As these negative thoughts come up, so do verses like  I can choose to think of the good things or the bad things (Philippians 4:8) come up along. Praise God man. Otherwise I would have just be super super depressed for many days. It's truely by God's grace that I was able to pull through all these tests.

Oh man, now it's 2AM on a thursday morning. Time to sleep.

Trials - the power of meditation

Hmm, this period of time I got lots of trials and tests.
Although I slip and stumble, I thank God that Jesus Christ always leads us in victory and He is always holding me with His hand, never letting me fall completely.

For example: Today's worship for the Alpha Consecration Night. I think I screwed up big time. I tried to follow what Paul Baloche's Worship Video said - that is to play as little as possible and leave gaps for the other musicians. It said that we should play small chords or some notes here and there instead of the usual style of our keyboardists where we just play lots of chords all over the frequency sound range of highs and lows. But my attempt was terrible.
The funny thing was, the practice wasn't that bad; although there were the occasional mistakes, but it was still wasn't as bad as today. I even came early today to practice, reached church like 5.45pm, but still it was bad.

Then after the worship, I was feeling super sian. Thoughts like "will anyone blame me for playing until like that?" (cause last time there were cases when I didn't play up to expectations and fellow brothers-in-Christ like gave me that sort of blaming-me or condemning-me attitude; and it is super discouraging especially when I try to be completely humble and gentle by following what Ephesians 4:2-3 says. Sorry for the rantings, but it is really frustrating and very hurting.) , "should I even be serving in the worship ministry" and stuff like that keep coming into my mind.

Then God spoke to me and the thought "I have a choice to remain sian and depressed or walk in Christ's victory (1 Cor 15:57)" came to me cause I knew it was satan who was giving me those thoughts that I earlier stated. 
Of course, I decided to choose to walk in Christ's victory, but I hadn't fully recovered yet. It was only after I talked to Jude and received encouragements from him(btw, thank God he's always there to encourage pple haha), that made me felt very much better.

However, between the period when I chose to walk in Christ's victory and receiving encouragements from Jude, I thought about lots of things. Let me share one thing I learned.
It is the power of meditating on God's Word. As I was attacked spiritually just now, in the midst of the flying negative thoughts in my mind, there were lots of flying verses from the Holy Word as well. It's like the verses which encouraged me was brought to my mind by the Holy Spirit. Many many verses just kept coming.
And I think that's the reason why God allowed me to read the book <How you can be led by the Spirit of God - Kenneth E. Hagin> which encouraged me to start meditating on God's Word regularly (in addition to quiet time and bible study).
Although I only started meditating the day before yesterday, I meditated on a few verses and they were all like made for the right occasion.
God prepared me for this spiritual battle in advance so that I can walk in His victory and learn something out of it. Praise be to God who always leads us in victory! It's like I don't have to rely on my own strength, but God's Word was my source of strength.

Also, during that time, God told me that part of my focus in all my ministries were wrong; part of me wanted to serve God cause it makes me feel useful and there's something that I can be proud of. That's why I felt so sad in the first place. Thank God that He spoke to me and prevented me from going deeper into my own desires. It's like always after awhile my focus will shift from God and onto myself.

Aiyah, getting tired liao, can't really think properly now. Sorry, if I offend anyone. Off to sleep now.

Update.

Off to Myanmar!!

In the end, some of us didn't go for the National Healing Campaign.

For me, personally, I was praying silently by myself in the afternoon while we were gathered and walking around. God spoke to me thru His Spirit not to go. However, He didn't say whether the prophet T B Joshua was a real man of God or not. God was silent about it. Hence, I won't be able to conclude whether he is one or not.

So I just obeyed God, and didn't go for the rally.

For those who didn't know, there were articles circulated around thru our emails about this Prophet. Some of them aren't really favourable. Especially when they are Christian magazines and stuff. So for a moment, all of us were thinking whether to go for the rally or not haha. And we were trying to figure out whether the prophet was real or not.

Nic said the casting out of demons looked real. Justin said "wahh damn good leh" haha. Maybe in the past this prophet was false, but now he changed and became real? Which explains for the reports. And there may be a chance that there were some misunderstandings cause he couldn't speak well. However, I'll still be cautious about all these and whoever claims to be a prophet, just to be on the safe side.

Now, finished packing most of my stuff. Going to myanmar tml. It's nice to know that there will be pple sending us off tomorrow at the airport haha. God bless to all. See you 3 weeks later. Pray for the safety of everyone plus our families at home too. Thank you! =)

ps sorry to joel. haha.

OM 2-months STEP

Seriously considering if I should go for the OM 2 months STEP program.
My dad is dissuading me from going the 2 months trip as he wants me to enter uni early so that I have a easier time in uni with less stress. Just spoke to him while in the car. haha.
My dad will not stop me by force, but he hopes that I listen to him. Got the chance to evangelise to him a bit also haha.

Plus, today, in www.bible.com the verse of the day is: "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."  Exodus 20:12 
God is telling me something here. So am praying and waiting for God to tell me through His Spirit whether I should go or not.
Currently, although my physical self would love to go for the 2 months on board the Doulos, my inward spirit is otherwise. I just don't feel the peace of God when I think of going.
Will be praying for a confirmation from God through His Spirit testifying to my spirit.

I'm also presently reading this book <How You Can Be Led by the Spirit of God> by Kenneth E. Hagin.
It's good, but I need to confirm whether the book is like not-false teachings and stuff.
It teaches us how to be led by God's Spirit testifying to our spirit on all decisions in our life.